And so it begins, Finals Week 09.

Now I admit, I’m not the typical college student. I should be popping adderol and pulling all nighters at the library (like my roommate) but I’m not. No, instead I actually had all my stuff due last week, so now all I have to look forward to (or dread) this coming week is one final paper (7-10 pages) and an exam in my pass/fail class. And whats more, I could walk into that exam, sign my name, turn the paper in, and still pass the class. So needless to say, I’m not too worried. And the paper isn’t due till wednesday.

So basically, I’m bored. My boy has two hard exams Monday and Tuesday, and all my friends have exams too. So no one is around to play with me! and I don’t want to go out drinking alone, that just doesn’t seem fun.

Thus, I’ve had to find other ways to entertain myself which have included going through my nicknacks and throwing stuff out that I don’t need and what not. Packed a few things up, threw some clothes in a suitcase.

Actually, the most entertaining thing I did was go through and throw out all my expired condoms. I only have them because of sexual health week on campus. My roommate helped, and then we read the directions which my one roommate was surprised some people need those.

Oh. They do. Another story for another time.

But otherwise, I actually had to take a break in the middle of writing this post because my roommates and I decided to make a cold stone run for ice cream cup cakes, but I then decided to go next door and get some chips and guac. Perfect.

We picked up two more of our lovely Dirty South and came back to the room to watch The Girl Next Door. Good shit.

Unfortunately, with all the good, we had to tell one of our roommates that her boyfriend has been cheating on her. She seemed okay when we told her…but then she made a phone call…and all were heard were those sad sounds of bawling and tears and screaming. And we assumed the worst. We rushed in, but she bolted out of the room and into the stairwell and we couldn’t catch her. We don’t know where she is now, I hope she is okay….

It sucks that it has to be now that she finds out, but its better she know now than go into the summer with a cheating boyfriend.

Hopefully Finals week will be okay for everyone…

Maybe I’m just a little bitter. Or maybe, my instincts are accurate. Personally, I hope I’m just bitter.

Last night I put on my very favorite red dress that I always feel so good in because it’s just one of those dresses that looks good, no matter what. I wore it last night because I hoped that I would see new boy out, especially since I hadn’t seen him or really spoken more than a few texts here and there with him. I did my hair all nice, put on nice makeup, and went out for another night which can only be described as a flop of an evening.

Not only did I never see or hear from new boy last night, which I find frustrating in itself, I was subjected to the bitter tears and angry words from three different friends who all, of course, were not having a good time. I don’t remember when I was put in charge of them having a good time, would have been nice to know ahead of time.

Well, on top of that, I actually spent the entire evening talking to the wrong boy. Instead of new boy, who I am actually interested in and enjoy the company of, I got to hang out with the sob of a bitch that enjoys stringing me along for months at a time.

Two years this ass hole has been around, then not around, around, then not around. And I did eventually become fed up with it and move on. He of course, has not done the same. No, instead he sees me at the bar and makes an immediate b-line for me. He knows I’m seeing someone new (or not seeing, as it turns out) and still manages to throw all his game at me.

Arm around me, flirty touching, etc. etc. Even tried to buy me shots and walk me home. I wasn’t having it. I also wasn’t drunk. Cold medicine plus booze has proved a bad move, and I wans’t about to make that mistake. But I had about a beer and a half, and everyone else had most definitely had more. Always puts a fun spin on things.

Well eventually old jack ass boy got the hint and went home, not before trying to take me with him, but I had other things to deal with, such as the two crying girls that I had to take home. One crying because this guy that she kinda likes we basically ignoring her, and the other, well, she was just crying. Never figured that one out.

But we get home, and I find my roommate in the room, upset for the third night in a row. I’m sick of hearing her whining at night while she is drunk, especially when I get to hear it all over again the next morning because she didn’t remember that she had told me the night before.

I’m very much looking forward to my single room next year.

I still haven’t heard from New Boy, despite having sent him a text asking him how his night went. He was on a pub crawl with other friends, maybe he’s just really hung over, and I’m just bitter.

Or maybe the way I feel is actually right on the dot? Either way, there are two weeks left of my sophomore year, and while all i have left is two projects, a final paper, and a pass/fail exam to take, it still seems like it will be two very long weeks.

This past weekend my assertion that you meet guys when you are not looking for them was once again proven correct.

Apparently it’s the night I don’t shower before I go out. Third time my mindset is “ah, I’m just gonna hang out with friends, not trying to pick up anyone, I wont bother showering” and the third time I meet a guy that is not only attractive and wants me.

Well, not just wants, me can’t stop wanting me. The problem? I’m still with new boy! I like him lots, and I mean, we never talked about being exclusive, but I feel like it would be in bad taste to start dating a guy on the side when I spent the night at new boy’s place on the occasional weekend.

But here’s what happened:

I was at NB’s frat for a party and a bunch of their mutual friends showed up. NB had to go work the bar in his frat so we all went uptown to the bar. We’re hanging out, dancing, etc.

I was dancing with one of NB’s best friends, nothing there, trust me. Just friendly.

Then this guy comes up and offers to dance with me. NB’s friend wanders off and I start dancing with this new guy. He is a Marine, obvious, huge muscles, short hair, great smile. Yeah, he was hot. hot. hot.

Well he gets my number, but I feel so guilty! I mean, we were talking in front of all NB’s friends! They didn’t seem to think anything of it though.

Well Marine, who is in my phone as North Carolina and will be hence forth called that, keeps texting me. A lot. He offered to talk me home, but I walked out with friends.

Then I met up and went home with NB for some cuddling and Bible study. Excellent cuddling, he’s such a good spooner. heh.

But then North Carolina kept texting me all the next day, added me on facebook, etc. And just a few minutes ago called me. I chose to ignore because I didn’t really want to make up some excuse.

I made a conscious decision to stick with New Boy. He’s smart, cute, funny. North Carolina might be damn hot, but he strikes me as the kind of guy that is gonna be a bit clingy and posessive.

But why the hell do all these boys pop up out of no where when I’m not even looking??

Is it true, the less you try, the more desirable you are? Should I just stop working hard a looking good before I go out?

All I know is, it’s hard to choose, but it makes me feel good about New Boy and me that my decision was so easy. Hopefully he would do the same for me.

This past weekend, my dear university, Miami University of Ohio, was in the national championship for Hockey. It was a fantastic game that we should have won. One minute left and up by two goals, you’d of thought we had it.

But then BU tied it up, and then ended up scoring in overtime.

I have never seen a party die so fast as the one I was at right then. It was very sad, but the boys worked hard, played hard, and kicked a whole lot of ass.

The exciting thing? They are a young team, and BU is mostly an older team, which means we’re gonna be back next year, and we’re going to win. Quite exciting indeed.

I guess part of the reason it was so easy to get over the loss, for me at least, was because during the game, New Boy and I were playing beer pong…a whole lot of beer pong.

We owned the table all night long. Game after game, we won. And he didn’t even carry the game, I actually made quite a few each game, including a number of the winning cups.

Our reccord ended up being, by the end of the night, 10-0.

Yes, that’s right, we made it to the duble digits. It was glorious. But after 10 straight games of pong, I got bored and well, NB got drunk. So we had to stop.

The appropriate end to the night would have been lots of crazy fooling around, but sadly that did not occur. 10 games of beer pong did not work in my favor because we got to bed and he was out.

I couldn’t sleep so I went home. Turns out new boy was REALLY tired because he then slept till 3pm the next day.

But despite Miami’s Loss, and getting no action at the end of the evening, It will always be the night that I went 10-0 in pong, and that is brag-worthy enough for me!

I’ll be telling my kids about that someday…

I suppose it’s time for an update. I’m not longer romantically dating John, instead, as two adults, we decided that in our current situations, him graduating and me…not, it was best that we become friends rather than feel so obligated as boyfriend and girlfriend.

But I don’t want to talk about it. So moving on!

Tonight was a pretty good night, till my fucking roommate came back.

The girls and I goofed off for a bit. Sucked helium out of balloons, ate a ton of candy, did a little taekwondo lesson, etc. etc.

Then we went to our BT2Go, the late night food place on campus we like to hit up and on the way back, I saw new boy coming to my dorm to surprise me! Except it wasn’t really a surprise because he had mentioned that he hadn’t seen me yet that day and didn’t want to ruin our streak. I met him about two weeks ago and we’ve hung out, even for only the briefest moments, every day since we met.

For now, He’ll be refered to as “New Boy.” A little background on this kid?

He’s brilliant. Smartest person I’ve ever met. He is here at school on a full ride, and is the only person I’ve ever seen who can sit and watch jeopardy every day and know every answer. Oh jeopardy…. Funny side story about that.

The other day, I was hanging out at his place, and we’re chillin in his room on his bed. Cuddling, chatting, and then he looks at the clock. He JUMPS UP! Like he is late for something important! Then says to me, “Jeopardy is on!!!”

I just stared blankly.  Smart people priorities….figures.

But anyway, back to the night I just had.

So he came over and we decide to watch Clerks 2. This decision is primarily based on the fact that I make a lot of references to the movie, and New Boy doesn’t get most of them because it’s been so long since he’s seen the movie. So since I am forced to watch all the stupid videos that he quotes so that I’m not left in the dark, I can make him watch the one movie I constantly quote.

Well after the movie and good foods (loaded fries and chocolate cake), we start chatting, getting cozy, being friendly. Well, we start to get friendlier when all the sudden I hear the key in the door.

My roommate, who was actually at New Boy’s place watching a movie with his roommate, decided to come back, no warning at all, and just barge in.

She doesn’t even say Hello. Instead she looks at new boy and goes “[NB’s Roommate] wants to know if you want a ride” since he had driven and dropped her off. Well he lives on the opposite side of campus from me, so of course he opted for the ride, but it took him a few minutes to decide if he really wanted to give up being friendly for a car ride. Of course then my roommate helped him make the decision by adding “I’m going to bed.”

By which she meant, “Leave now.”

And of course New boy and I can’t keep the princess from her slumber. I’d say beauty sleep, but that’s a stretch. Okay maybe not, but I’m pissed.

So I walked New Boy out to the car, like a good hostess. I come back to my room and my roommate is already in bed. She didn’t even apologize for the VERY obvious cock block that she caused me.

Well I’m extremely revved up right now, a little pissed off, and VERY sexually frustrated, and bitch-face roommate doesn’t seem to care. So I am gonna type as loud as I can, text all night, and maybe tomorrow, if I’m still angry, I’ll take John’s advice and pee in her shampoo.

That’s right people. Never piss off a passive aggresive, we do weird to you and we get under your skin.

Actually, I’m only slightly passive aggressive. I just have really good self control. Bitch is lucky I’m not smothering her with a pillow right now.

All I know is, being polite goes a long way. I understand if you’re tried, but apologize for god’s sake.

Or else you’re gonna end up with funny smelling hair. hmph.

No, not the movie. Remember those funny stories about my friends I promised you? Well I got one from the past weekend that practically split my sides.

[CAUTION: Sexual Content]
Let me give the run down on this friend.

We’ll call her… Wicks.

So Wicks is the girl in the group that gave us the reputation we have. She didn’t come home much during her freshman year. Then she got a very controlling boyfriend who sucked the life out of her, and they recently broke up.

Now, she has become desperate. Very. Very. Desperate.

You may also notice that I’m a little hard on her in this story. Truth is, she’s isn’t my favorite one in the group, but she has grown on me. There are things about her I like, but I don’t have a ton of respect for her…..she just makes bad choices, especially when boys are involved.
When boys are involved, things like the following happen:

So she was at a party with a boy, as many stories with her begin. She was with other friends, but her and the boy went off to a room to do….things. No one expected her to come home, but she did. Well, the next day, she complained to her roommate, another girl in the group, that her *ahem* vajayjay was a little sore. She was positive they didn’t have sex. Sure of it! But she wasn’t quite sure was what exactly he did to make her so sore.

So she sees him later that day, just in passing, possibly at a dining hall or a school event or something. Not terribly important. The conversation would have been just as awkward anywhere.

But she is talking to him, and she says to him, “What did we do last night? I am SO sore!”

He replied, “I fingered you.” (It seems to frank, like everyone does that during drunk hookups. Ooo yeah baby, please put your sticky man fingers in my vagina….oh wait, she might have actually said that….ugh. anyway)

“And that got me sore?” she replies, surprised and disbelieving. Apparently it’s not a new occurrence.

“Well I used three fingers!” (like he’s all proud of it.) He puts up three fingers. “And then I did this!” He then spreads his fingers into the shape of a “W.”

A ‘W’.

My first reaction? Who the hell taught him that women liked that??? What kind of porn has he been studying?

My second reaction? She didn’t know he was doing that??? Alcohol is a magical thing if it can mask the pain of that intrusive and abusive sexual act.

But whatever anyone’s reaction, three fingers, as innocent as they may seem, will never be held up around her ever again. It will never mean “Winner” because that kid….was not a winner that night, and Wicks sure wasn’t a winner the next morning.

Now I’ve worked very hard to keep personal complaints about relationships off here, but it’s late at night, my mom is asleep, and I’m going nuts because of two things. 1) I have no where to type how I feel since I don’t want to be “that girl” on facebook, and 2) I can’t possibly know what’s going on on the other end. Needless to say, I’m a bit antsy. My fingers continue to drum the edge of my laptop. I check my phone ever few minutes…more like seconds. And I only got to three pages on my 8 page paper I really need to have done by Thursday. I’m a bit distracted.

Let my lay it down.

I’m frustrated because I was at a party last night and I was lonely. It’s hard to watch your friends couple up and you’re standing alone in the middle of the room realizing that you’re either just standing there constantly checking your phone for a text, or your the third wheel in someone else’s conversation. I chose the second so only two people would think I was a loser at a time.

I went home early and still got to watch my roommate and her boyfriend cuddle. Who knows what else after I was asleep. And I found myself miserable.

and I woke up miserable. But it wasn’t just the night before that was bothering me. It’s been a personal thing, I’ve just been so unsure about my life right now. Maybe it’s just that time of the year since a friend of mine and his girlfriend just broke up because she was feeling the same way. They had been dating 5 years. I’m sure they will get back together so there is no issue there.

But with a background of feeling unsure about things, I was not in a good place. It didn’t help that my boyfriend had rightfully so been off doing other things. I didn’t mind, it’s just each time he left right before I got up the nerve to tell him I was feeling down. Nothing would have been a problem, but it just ended up being bad timing. I kept saying I’d do it tomorrow. Unfortunately, I got upset and angry before that tomorrow came.

So I get angry, I couldn’t help it. I felt alone and left alone.

Now, there is something so easy to say to that. “I’m sorry, I had something else I really had to do. I didn’t realize how upset you were, but I couldn’t be taken away from what I was doing. How are you doing now? Is everything okay? What’s bothering you?”

Anything along those lines would have been perfect. But I got lectured. I guess it’s a normal reaction to tell someone off that you think is in the wrong, but that’s if they don’t know they are in the wrong. I knew I was being stupid, but don’t girls get a free pass for that or something? Or can’t it be like sick days?

But I wasn’t having it and I just walked away from it. And I’ve been driving myself up a wall ever since. I called my mom and she called me weak for wanting to make contact after twenty minutes. Typical me right? Well I really didn’t want to be the girl that you think “oh, she’s upset now but she’ll suck it up and talk to me later about it.”

No, I can’t be that. I don’t want to be that weak. I know that is so shallow and such a game, but call it a pride thing. I can have a little pride, can’t I?

But at the same time, I don’t know what’s going on that end. It’s like being broken up all over again. Does he care AT ALL? Or is he just playing rock band, just waiting till I break and am right back saying I’m sorry, I’m totally in the wrong, It’s all my fault?
Well it’s been about 11 hours since I just walked away from the conversation….and nothing.

Around midnight I had a moment of weakness, I really wanted to say something. I mean, I know that he has things he has to do. Family is always first, I get that. People can’t always be around.

But when you need them, isn’t that when they have to? Or should I just have sucked it up last night? Gone home, cried, felt alone, then gotten over it?

I guess being unsure, having doubts about life in general, and mixing that with alcohol and being lonely just breeds problems.

But why then when he is lonely, I’m there to text him? To make him feel better? But I don’t get the same because he had something else he had to do, somewhere else he had to be?

I’m repeating old habits. It’s just like three years ago, letting myself get upset because I was alway always always around and that one never was?

I feel better saying it, guess I’m still just that young. My mom has years of experience on me and can tell me what she would do, but she and I are so different. She always had a guy for backup when she decided she was bored with the current boy. I just never had that in me. Every relationship, friendship, romantic, or family, I consider it the most important thing. I guess that’s why I always take things harder than she thinks I should.

Let me just tell you though, it’s hard to hear your mother say to you: “I wish you were a stronger person.”

So I’ve been cheating on my boyfriend…..with Chuck Bass.

okay not really, but I’ve been listening to that new song “Womanizer” by Britney Spears and it reminds me of him. He is also my favorite character from the show Gossip Girl. Last season it was Serena and Dan, but they just irritate me now. Chuck is much more intriguing.

Why does this character interest me? because he is wounded and takes it out by being not only a great business man, he is also cunning, clever, devious, and is probably awesome in bed.

SO many times I find myself saying, “OH! Chuck you are so bad!” But then I remember his epic line: “I’m Chuck Bass.” and then all is well again.

So life is just a game to him, so he has slept with a million girls. He is damn entertaining to follow as a character, and well, the guy who plays him on the does a great job.

Oh Chuck, you just so sexy!!

I went to dinner at Applebee’s last night and it was really interesting how they have implemented some new technology. There is a new device that you can press a button and it alerts your waiter by buzzing a thing on his wrist. So if you need him….just press the button.

Great idea, but it’s alway kind of awkward to have this little device sitting at your table. I couldn’t help but wonder if the waiter was listening in.

We mentioned “Big Brother” to the waiter, and he said that we weren’t the first to say that. In fact a woman earlier that day had said the same thing! haha

Oh, and the waiter…well he was interesting. He got down on his knees, table height, to take our order. I think it’s a new applebee’s thing or something. But it was odd. And he would get real close to talk to me.

I must have smiled too much because when he brought me the check, he also brought me a napkin rose with leaves and the flower part was dipped in something to make it red. I took it home to be nice.

Well we were sitting and talking at the table for a while, and he came up to us and asked if my friend and I were in college. We said yes, told him where. Casual convo. Asked what where we worked…and I stupidly told him Friendly’s…

He asked when I worked..and I stupidly told him… And he said he would drop by.

Now this would be awesome if say…he had been cute.

But he spoke with a difficult to understand accent, was from El Salvador, and was 24 years old.

That’s a little too old for me, but the gesture and the attention was really nice.

Guess I should start wearing that cute red dress more often! hehe

My progression of emotions throughout this breakup so far.
Day one: sad, tired, unable to talk to other people about it, just wadecd to cry, and eventually numb because I distanced myself from people and just tried not to feel.

Day two: woke up and for a moment i was happy before i realized what happened and then sadness. For most the day. Crying was common at times of severe loneliness typically while driving. Missed him, talked to him, felt like I should get over it and be friendly. Was friendly, he thought all was okay. hah, fooled him.
Day three: started to get a little better, friend called me, took me out, but then I started to remember things, find things all over my house that give me flashbacks, etc.

Day four: Getting pissed off because he decided it was what he wanted, then still managed to sleep with me one last time before ending it. Wait, really pissed off.

Day five: confused, without a purpose, lost. I just don’t know what to do with myself…..

I want to be happy. But I don’t want him to be…but that’s just a normal feeling. I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know what to do to keep myself busy.

It just hurts, but at the same time I feel nothing. Numb, but in pain. God I need to be at school to distract myself.